


Post-Game Etiquette

by Ksumpter_mob



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: First Kiss, Kissing, Let's Play, M/M, Magical Realism, Making Out, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 12:36:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7640380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ksumpter_mob/pseuds/Ksumpter_mob
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Geoff discovers a major flaw in a recent "Let's Play" and realizes he must take swift action before it can happen again.</p><p>Semi-spoiler:  Includes details of the winner from the Achievement Hunter Hockey League's Southeast Pimberton Semifinals (try saying that 3 times fast :P).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Post-Game Etiquette

“Ryan and Jeremy!”  Geoff’s shrill summons rang loud and true as it reverberated throughout the Achievement Hunter office.  “Get your _asses_ in here, now!”

Three seconds later, Jeremy sprang into the room like a weightlifting nymph, panting and wheezing for the love of all that was oxygen.

Geoff scowled at him.  “What took you so long?”

It took him a few swallows, but Jeremy finally said, “Was parking my car from lunch.  Your voice took a bit to carry.”

“Lame.  And what about you?” he snapped at Ryan, who had just wandered up beside them.

Ryan shrugged as he slowly unwrapped a candy bar.  “Office next door.  I didn’t hear you, so Jack texted me.”

“Where’s Jack?”

“At home.”

“Oh, right.”  Geoff gestured to the AH couch, where Matt and Trevor were already sitting.  “Guys, have a seat.  I just witnessed an unforgivable crime—featuring the four of you—and I want you all here for this while I—with great vengeance and _furious_ anger—dish out the punishment to the guilty parties.”

“Seriously, man?   _Pulp Fiction_?” griped Matt.

“It’s an _awesome_ movie and worked perfectly for my purposes!” said Geoff.  The other men nodded wholeheartedly on the former point but remained mute on the latter.

Suddenly, Jeremy looked nervous.  “Wait, did you just say you witnessed a crime?  Geoff, whatever it is, I swear I didn’t do it.”

“I might’ve done it,” mumbled Ryan, mouth full of chocolate and delicious nougat (Ted Nugent! Ahem, sorry.).  “Who’s missing?”

“Would you two ass clowns just shut up and sit?”  They finally sat, and Geoff crossed his tattooed arms in front of them.  “Now, as you know, we just posted the semifinals of the Achievement Hunter Hockey League.”

“Yeah,” Jeremy said slowly; suddenly, he perked up.  “What happened?  Did we lose the facecam footage?  Did the audio crash?”

“Oh, no; the facecam was not lost.  Actually, funny you mention that, Jeremy—of all the things to say, you went straight for that little detail.”

Jeremy shrank down into the couch—which was a little dangerous, considering his lack of up-ness in the first place.  Any further, and he might have suffocated.  “I think I’m going to keep my mouth shut from now on.”

“An excellent idea.  Now, as I was saying, we posted the semifinals to the RT site and to YouTube.  Yours and Ryan’s match posted first, as you very well know.  Time of the video clocked in at just a _pubic_ hair over twenty-four minutes—”

“That’s Geoff Time for one second,” Trevor whispered to the others; they nodded knowingly.

Geoff didn’t even pause. “—over twenty-four minutes, and it was gold.  Great vid, epic match, amazing commentary, awesome jokes—”

“‘Specially mine!” piped Jack from over his computer monitor.

“ _Especially_ Jack’s!  Jack was on fire.”  Geoff did a double-take.  “Wait.  I thought you were at home.”

“I was,” Jack said.  “Now, I’m not.”

“Oh.”  Geoff faced forward again:  “He was on fire!  I was on fire; Ryan was burning it up; and Jeremy was overheating the furnace.  Twenty-four minutes and one second of pure gold.”  Geoff paused dramatically.  “And yet, here’s the thing.  I looked over at the original length of the facecam video that Matt was uploading to the system, and I noticed something.  That fucker didn’t say twenty-four minutes and one second.”

Ryan frowned as he unwrapped the paper covering the deluxe cheeseburger he’d brought in.  “It didn’t?”

“No,” whispered Geoff.  “That motherfucker said twenty-four minutes and fifty-eight seconds.”

Jeremy started to fidget—which, let’s be honest considering his height, just made him look adorable.  “Well, maybe Matt just started the video on his phone early and let it run through for a few seconds after we said to cut.”

“Nope!” Matt chirped.  He lasered Jeremy with a cheeky grin—one that bespoke of evil intent and triumphant shoves under the proverbial bus.  Perhaps it was layered with the envy of a man who had been passed over for the coveted sixth Achievement Hunter position; perhaps not.  Who could really say?  “I was very precise with my filming skills.  Not a single second was wasted.”

Geoff stepped forward and said, “So I said to myself, I says, ‘Geoff—what do you suppose got cut from the video?’ ‘I don’t know!’ I replied, ‘but if anyone will know, it’s the guy who edited the Let’s Play.’ ”

All eyes rotated to Trevor.

Trevor popped up to his feet in his defense.  “Like Matt, I too was very precise and clean in my job.  I did what any good video editor would do, and that is leave in the good stuff.  All of the beautiful, glorious good stuff.”

“Trevor, I doubt you’ve ever been beautiful or glorious with anything in your life.  That’s how those rumors got started.  That aside—”  Geoff backed up until he stood beside a computer monitor that seemed to be paused in the middle of a video clip.  “I checked with Trevor to see just what the clip was that he edited out so very cleanly and flawlessly from the final video.  You know, just out of curiosity.”  He squinted.  “You know what I found?”

Ryan and Jeremy, wide-eyed, shook their heads.  Matt, beaming, nodded his.

Without further flair, Geoff unpaused the video.

 

_It’s the post-game victory of the Southeast Pimberton hockey throwdown, and the Achievement Hunters and Screw Attackers are losing their shit at Ryan’s come-from-behind victory over his momentary rival, Jeremy.  Jeremy is devastated but laughing, and Ryan is hopping up and down like a delighted pogo stick beside his desk.  The glee is real, and the joy is felt throughout the entire room, ranging from Michael yelling right at the camera to Geoff rubbing his face and turning his back in absolute amazement._

_Even while he’s groaning in relief and spinning an orange screwdriver in his fingers, Ryan’s face suddenly recalls proper post-game etiquette, and he walks around the island of computers towards his opponent.  Jeremy sees the movement and surreptitiously wipes his hand of excess sweat on his jeans.  The camera temporarily closes in on Geoff’s face, capturing his stunned expression and his claim that his money was on Jeremy, before passing back just in time to see Jeremy and Ryan clasp hands and pull into a one-arm hug._

 

To the fans that watched the video from the sanctity of their homes, the Ryan/Jeremy hug broke quickly, simply, and without incident.  Ryan and Jeremy returned to their stations, both reacting appropriately to that hell of a match.  The Let's Play faded to black, followed by the latest outro and sample clips of any relevant videos the user might be interest in watching next.

To those privy to the full, uncensored clip, a different scene unfolded.

 

_Jeremy and Ryan clasp hands and pull into a one-arm hug, holding tight and close for just a blink._

_Ryan begins to pull away, but slows.  Jeremy looks up to smile acknowledgement at the good game, but he catches Ryan’s eye, and his smile fades.  They grow still and stare at each other as their coworkers continue their freak-out._

_The camera zooms in.  The image blurs, then sharpens just in time to watch Ryan’s eyes drop to Jeremy’s mouth.  Jeremy’s puzzlement melts away, and his eyes blink to half-lid.  Ryan leans down.  Jeremy leans up._

_Their lips brush in the sweetest of soft, delicate first-kiss experiences to be had by the most arduous of lovers within the most romantic of European and Victorian ages._

_They pull back and take one more look at each other._

_After which commences the most vicious suck-face ever recorded on film._

_Fabric is torn.  Legs wrap around another’s waist.  The makeout session is so furious, the pair stumble offscreen._

_A good fifteen seconds roll through the rest of the room.  A soft grunt and perhaps a random “Make me yours” floats from one side of the screen._

_The other AHs are oblivious.  Jack makes one of the most hilarious jokes ever spoken aloud—seriously, it made people cry for days.  And then Geoff follows it up with the zinger of the century—like, your great-great-grandmother would’ve felt the burn.  And then, Michael does this thing w ith Chad from ScrewAttack—it’s magic._

_But then, the video shifts as Ryan and Jeremy pop back on-screen, smoothing down their shirts and clearing their throats and calling, “Yeah, game!  Good game!” before giving each other one more quick, awkward handshake and breaking apart amidst one final set of congratulations to Ryan._

 

Geoff paused the video and glared outward.

The second half of Ryan’s hamburger dangled from his mouth.  Jeremy’s mouth also hung open, but he held no sandwiched meat betwixt his lips.

“Seriously?  Imagine how I look when this kind of thing happens!” Geoff wailed.  “I mean, come on, guys, what the fuck?”

Trevor looked on with the wizened, uppity gaze of a Mother Superior, while Matt just giggled like the fat son of a medieval town crier.

Meanwhile, Geoff was just red-faced.  The moment he had seen the full clip of the missing time stamp, he’d known that he had to take swift action.

He began in a low timber, building momentum (and volume) as he laid his point across.  “I helped start Achievement Hunters to provide quality gaming entertainment for people around the world.  And what this video has proven to me is that we are far from reaching that goal.  You all have worked here long enough to know what passes as acceptable in this office, and what does not pass at all.  And then, to do this?  This, of all things?  This kind of shoddy behavior will no longer be tolerated.  Not on my watch.”  He took in a deep breath.

“Matt, you’re suspended for not filming the make-out sex.  Trevor, you’re suspended for editing out what little we had!  That’s it!  ...Dismissed!”

Having spoken, the mighty Ramsey stormed out of his domain, a trail of alcohol-infused supremacy and the gaping jaws from a pair of dumbfounded idiots lingering behind him.

 

~Fin~

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This is the first fiction that I've posted in over 10 years, so I hope you enjoyed it. If so, hopefully there will be more in the future. :)


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